The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

4.7 | 1,111 ratings

Price: 19.68

Last update: 01-11-2025

About this item

NPR SciFri Book Club Pick

Next Big Idea Club's "Top 21 Psychology Books of 2022"

Behavioral Scientist Notable Books of 2022

A renowned grief expert and neuroscientist shares groundbreaking discoveries about what happens in our brain when we grieve, providing a new paradigm for understanding love, loss, and learning.

In The Grieving Brain, neuroscientist and psychologist Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, gives us a fascinating new window into one of the hallmark experiences of being human. O’Connor has devoted decades to researching the effects of grief on the brain, and in this book, she makes cutting-edge neuroscience accessible through her contagious enthusiasm, and guides us through how we encode love and grief. With love, our neurons help us form attachments to others; but, with loss, our brain must come to terms with where our loved ones went, or how to imagine a future without them.

The Grieving Brain addresses:

Why it’s so hard to understand that a loved one has died and is gone forever
Why grief causes so many emotions—sadness, anger, blame, guilt, and yearning
Why grieving takes so long
The distinction between grief and prolonged grief
Why we ruminate so much after we lose a loved one
How we go about restoring a meaningful life while grieving

Based on O’Connor’s own trailblazing neuroimaging work, research in the field, and her real-life stories, The Grieving Brain combines storytelling, accessible science, and practical knowledge that will help us better understand what happens when we grieve and how to navigate loss with more ease and grace.

Yeganeh

Amazing balance of science and literature

Reviewed in the United States on July 28, 2024

The book is well written, well explained and amazingly constructed.
I highly recommend it.

Kristina Talaga-Spencer

Great read!

Reviewed in the United States on September 15, 2024

I lost my Grandma in June of 2005, my husband in April of 2022, and my aunt in April of 2024. I've lost a lot of people in my 43 years on earth, but these 3 were my hardest losses, esp my husband who I've been with for 17 years. He was only 37. Numerous people have recommended this book to me and I finally got it. I'm so glad I did. If you ever lost a significant person in your life and are still heavily grieving, I definitely suggest this book!

This book saved my life

Reviewed in the United States on September 9, 2024

Excellent book with facts in how my brain is reacting to this loss I have to now endure . It is a loss of Love and a deep sadness for me . It is a process I take slowly and remember the good memories stored in my brain. I don’t rush. I allow myself time to heal . ❤️‍????????

Lishar70

Good book about grief & effects on brain

Reviewed in the United States on April 26, 2024

I would have given this book 5 stars, but being a college graduate with bachelor degree & vast medical knowledge I felt the medical depth could be difficult to grasp for most.

Amazon Customer

An accessible, well-researched book on the grieving brain

Reviewed in the United States on February 21, 2022

“Where is Hy,” asked my paternal grandfather for what seemed to be the 10th time in the last 10 minutes. Hy (my maternal grandfather) had passed away a few hours earlier after a brief and intense battle with colon cancer. And although the reason for the repetition was attributable to a stroke years before resulting in his inability to create new memories, the experience for a loved one following loss is not dissimilar. In her book, “The Grieving Brain,” Mary-Frances O’Connor explores the way the brain processes not just grief as an emotional response, but the lifelong experience of grieving. O’Connor weaves in personal experience, the role of evolution, extensive clinical work and a large body of scientific research (much of which she conducted herself) to explore the nature of the very human experience of grief with an emphasis on complicated grief. She explains how our “problem-solving” & “predicting” brain has a virtual “map” of interactions with and memories of loved ones that tracks the “here, now, and close” aspects of these relationships and triggers our grief response over and over as these neural pathways get reactivated in the absence of the individual. O’Connor respectfully debunks out of date conceptualizations of the grief process and compassionately offers alternative approaches to coping with loss that include both loss-oriented as well as restoration-oriented coping. In practice, this highlights the importance of moving toward accepting the loss (i.e., making room for feelings of grief instead of actively avoiding the feelings), increasing flexibility in the ways we respond to our experience of grief, being mindful of our experience with these varied responses, and taking steps to create a meaningful life in line with what matters most to us (and which may be wholly different subsequent to the loss). In sum, O’Connor captures the richness and depth in the way we, and our brains, process grief and shines light on the possibility of creating a meaningful life following loss.

SMC

Reader friendly, great insights

Reviewed in the United States on September 2, 2024

Recommend

childrensbooksonadime

So Helpful!

Reviewed in the United States on August 4, 2024

I lost my eight year old son very suddenly a year and a half ago, and this book has helped me understand the mechanics of what I’m experiencing so, so much! I’m so grateful for this author’s expertise and insights!

Alan Holyoak

I was sad when I reached the end...it's that good

Reviewed in the United States on April 24, 2023

OK, where to start?

I lost my wife of 34 years suddenly and unexpectedly almost a year ago. We had a healthy and happy life, and her loss was devastating. Though I was able to be functional enough to take care of my needs, many days seemed to be little more than enduring until the next day. Early on, I read a great book titled, "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" by Noel and Blair, which helped me. That book was designed to help people who are grieving in the aftermath of the sudden loss of a loved one.

A few months ago, I heard about this book, and enthusiastically ordered a copy. It is NOT a self-help book, or guide to grieving or anything like that. This book is different. It's written by one of the leading researchers in the field of clinical psychology and neurobiology, and focuses on what we now know about how the brain changes as we develop a relationship, and how the brain reacts when that relationship is lost.

Maybe it's because I am a scientist, but the way O'Connor lays out what we know, how we know it, and what it means was like light after light going on for me as I continued the process of grieving and recovering from the effects of the loss of my wife.

While the entire book was interesting and enlightening, I found direct connections between what she writes about and what I have been experiencing, and this book helped me put my experiences into context - a great help, you might even say a great blessing.

One thing that surprisingly helped me more than I could have imagined was a 4-page section about insomnia, why it happens, what happens when that happens, and what to do about it. That took away all kinds of stress as I prepared for bed each night. While I may now wake up from time to time more than before my wife passed away, I now sleep much better than I did before reading this book.

I can't say enough good about this book, and what it's helped me understand about what my brain is going through in it's best efforts to keep up with what happened and what is happening.

I'm now half-way through my second read of this book.

5 stars

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