To Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation

4.9 4.9 out of 5 stars | 183 ratings

Price: 15.3

Last update: 11-02-2024


About this item

Rarely does a trauma therapist disclose their own trauma history...yet it's the untold, brutally honest, incredibly heartbreaking story of Dr. Frank Anderson that made him the world-renowned trauma expert he is today.

Known for his magnetic and radiant personality, Frank spends his time training thousands of clinicians around the world on how to help clients with complex trauma make sense of their suffering. But underneath this charismatic exterior are his dark family secrets, including the marks of child abuse from his father and the invisible scars of shame.

In To Be Loved, Frank shares his confusing experience of growing up an outsider in a typical Midwestern Italian American home that was at one turn fiercely loving, but at the same time unaccepting, abusive, and rife with secrets.

After enduring six years of therapy as a child in the 1970s, he was programmed to be something that he wasn't for decades, and became driven to create the perfect life—until it all fell apart.

It was only then that he realized resilience, forgiveness, and facing his trauma were the keys to living an authentic life—and finally knowing what it feels like to be loved.


Top reviews from the United States

Jessica I.
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read!
Reviewed in the United States on August 24, 2024
Frank’s ability to balance personal intimacy with professional wisdom is amazing! I found his writing incredibly vulnerable, yet highly applicable to my own personal trauma and practice as a trauma therapist. I truly enjoyed reading every page!
Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful Read
Reviewed in the United States on October 9, 2024
Frank!!!

Beautifully written, your words flow with ease off the page.

I feel seen, heard and understood through your candor.

Thank you!
Mary Dowd
5.0 out of 5 stars Triumph over tragedy
Reviewed in the United States on May 17, 2024
Frank Anderson is a world renowned presenter on internal family systems. Thereafter this memoir is in essence his journey from being on survival, the classic over achiever to a life infused with authenticity and abjve all hope love and freedom.
Family dynamics are indeed complicated and Frank's recollections of family holidays thaf were alternatively grandiose and disastrous are illuminating. They were times of enormous shane and deep disappointment as well am unbesrsbjr yearning to be known.
For so many peoole being able to achieve a 360 degree view of their childhood is impossible. Their family bonds are simoly too enmeshed to go there and there is no 8ncebtve to change. The comfort of the familiar is too compelling.

Rather in the case of most memoirs few of us are left wanting more from the story. In Frank's case there is a real yearning ro know more of how he fared in treating the homeless and severely mentally ill as well ax how he will navigate the complexities of growing old

In many respects, Frank's life as a middle class child with a professional father looked good. In fact he was absurdly neglected and bullied mercilessly.

Journeying from perfectionism to being the father of two developmentally challenged children is a revelation. In so many ways Frank's insights are profound and tender explorations of the unthinkable. Being a gay man in rigidly insupoortivw catholic family. Marrying the right person for all the wrong reasons. Thereafter Frank doesn't fail to deliver relatable anecdotes in a authentic compassonate voice. The familiar is a tall task to write about whuch is way so many memoirs fall flat.
Ultimately finding compassion for the father who tyranised him on his deathbed is a tender loving elegy of deep reflection and tremendous skill So is the trumph of finding a loving stable marriage in a supportive community against all the odds
In so many ways often the overachiever is a #David Goggins# style of beating the odds and delivering ultimatum after ultimatum rooted in fear and rage
That's not Frank.

Instead Frank Andersin remakes himself into a loving compassionate present father, a son who has the courage to confront his neglectful mother, a doting spouse; but most of all a visionary teacher and presenter on trauma who has changed thousands of lives.
A triumph.
J.M.
4.0 out of 5 stars A good memoir but not quite what I expected
Reviewed in the United States on May 9, 2024
Frank has mentioned his upcoming memoir numerous times in multiple classes over the past year, so I’ve been awaiting this book’s release. I finished it the same day it came out, so it was a pretty quick read. I liked that he added speaking from his parts in the italicized text, and I appreciated the message of understanding that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have. I don’t want to minimize the work Frank has done in the trauma field or his talent as a teacher, and I know this comment is coming from a part, but what was missing from this book was a bit of humility. I’ve certainly developed lots of admiration for his wealth of knowledge from his classes, webinars, and books, but I just had a really hard time connecting with him as a person in his memoir despite really wanting to and having similar childhood trauma.
KN99
5.0 out of 5 stars A healing journey
Reviewed in the United States on June 1, 2024
As a psychiatrist specializing in the field of treating trauma, Dr. Frank Anderson is already well known and highly respected. In this memoir Frank offers readers the privilege of getting to know him on a more personal level as he shares what it has been like for him to heal from his own history of trauma. Frank courageously describes the impact childhood trauma had on his development and how this set in motion a lifetime devoted to healing, both on a personal level and professionally. As his healing progresses, Frank describes a life lived from a place of greater authenticity. I am recommending this book as I think Frank's memoir will offer others hope and compassion as they heal from their own trauma. The style of writing is very engaging and reflects Frank's warm personality. The last point I will make is, while Frank was in a position to obtain more intensive therapy than most people would be able to, there are a variety of supports available to those healing from trauma, both in one's own community and online. It is important to have a support system!
Khnyte
5.0 out of 5 stars Brave and beautiful. Read this book!
Reviewed in the United States on October 21, 2024
Frank is an author who captured my attention from the start. As a therapist, I enjoyed and appreciated him sharing his personal story, exhibiting bravery and resilience on every page.
Tammy
5.0 out of 5 stars Love this man
Reviewed in the United States on September 4, 2024
Thank you, Frank, for sharing and being so vulnerable. You are truly an inspiration to me as a therapist. Its nice to know I'm not the only one that tries to inspire hope in others by sharing personal stories of hardship and victory. Pain can be used for purpose. Thank you. ????
MrsG
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book!
Reviewed in the United States on May 16, 2024
Really thought the author did a great job telling his story and his journey! Very honest and vulnerable and a great story of overcoming obstacles to succeed. Definitely would recommend it!

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