Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—and What We Can Do About It

4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars | 254 ratings

Price: 15.75

Last update: 01-09-2025


About this item

AN INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

The definitive book on the rise of “toxic achievement culture” overtaking our kids' and parents' lives, and a new framework for fighting back

In the ever more competitive race to secure the best possible future, today’s students face unprecedented pressure to succeed. They jam-pack their schedules with AP classes, fill every waking hour with resume-padding activities, and even sabotage relationships with friends to “get ahead.” Family incomes and schedules are stretched to the breaking point by tutoring fees and athletic schedules. Yet this drive to optimize performance has only resulted in skyrocketing rates of anxiety, depression, and even self-harm in America’s highest achieving schools. Parents, educators, and community leaders are facing the same quandary: how can we teach our kids to strive towards excellence without crushing them?

In Never Enough, award-winning reporter Jennifer Breheny Wallace investigates the deep roots of toxic achievement culture, and finds out what we must do to fight back. Drawing on interviews with families, educators, and an original survey of nearly 6,000 parents, she exposes how the pressure to perform is not a matter of parental choice but baked in to our larger society and spurred by increasing income inequality and dwindling opportunities. As a result, children are increasingly absorbing the message that they have no value outside of their accomplishments, a message that is reinforced by the media and greater culture at large.

Through deep research and interviews with today’s leading child psychologists, Wallace shows what kids need from the adults in the room is not more pressure, but to feel like they matter, and have intrinsic self-worth not contingent upon external achievements. Parents and educators who adopt the language and values of mattering help children see themselves as a valuable contributor to a larger community. And in an ironic twist, kids who receive consistent feedback that they matter no matter what are more likely to have the resilience, self-confidence, and psychological security to thrive.

Packed with memorable stories and offering a powerful toolkit for positive change, Never Enough offers an urgent, humane view of the crisis plaguing today’s teens and a practical framework for how to help.


Top reviews from the United States

  • David Dodson
    5.0 out of 5 stars so TRUE
    Reviewed in the United States on November 22, 2024
    I don't read many books I purchase but this one I read in a couple days end to end.

    This was a painful read at times for those of us that have lived through raising our kids and paying the price for never enough activities and yet more activities and achievements.

    Golden advise and is spot on about what we are going through in our community. A bit too late for my family to go back and relive but great tool for healing and moving forward.

    A Gem, thanks for taking the time and effort to explore this topic that is literally killing our children and reducing our quality of life.
  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Recommend
    Reviewed in the United States on December 13, 2024
    Good book for parents to read
  • Avery
    4.0 out of 5 stars book parenting.
    Reviewed in the United States on July 13, 2024
    Eye-opening and at times a hard pilll to swallow but necessary. Every parent should read.
  • Maggie
    5.0 out of 5 stars Helping our kids through the pressure cooker (maybe even turning it off)
    Reviewed in the United States on August 26, 2023
    So many well-intentioned, loving parents in my orbit have teens and young adults who are struggling with mental health concerns despite (or maybe, as this book recounts, because of) being high achievers, rigorously building their high school resumes to get into a ‘good college.’ As the author indicates, this is a book that is largely about a privileged demographic, but maybe one that serves as a bellwether for our society. The fear of loss is real in a society that seems more stratified and more precarious with each passing year, and our adolescents are paying the price. The author unpacks the various forces that are pushing us, at times subconsciously, in this harmful direction and, thank goodness, offers some practical solutions for parents to help offload the pressure and stress being placed on their children. This is a useful, well-written, and deeply interesting book.
  • Danelle
    5.0 out of 5 stars A Call for Balance
    Reviewed in the United States on September 6, 2024
    Jennifer Breheny Wallace's Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic and What We Can Do About It is a compelling examination of the pressures faced by today’s students. Wallace highlights how toxic achievement culture can lead to anxiety and depression, emphasizing the critical need for children to feel valued beyond their accomplishments. Through insightful research and practical strategies, she guides parents and educators in fostering a supportive environment that prioritizes mental health over mere performance. This essential read is a wake-up call for anyone involved in raising or educating children, advocating for a healthier approach to achievement.
  • MC
    5.0 out of 5 stars Such a timely and impactful book
    Reviewed in the United States on March 23, 2024
    in today's fast-paced world, the concept of hustle and grind is so glorified that it's almost sacrosanct to say otherwise. However, when this idea seeps into our personal lives and spills over into parenting, then that becomes a problem. For many parents, wanting their children to have the best of everything is instinctual, but it has reached a point where parents are pressuring their kids to excel in everything, much to the detriment of the child's psyche, the parent-child relationship, and importantly, parents may be pushing their children to adolescent burnout without know it, all the while guilt-tripping their child into doing more, doing it faster, and doing it even better, when perhaps the child has already switch-off and tuned out. This book by Jennifer Breheny Wallace is such a godsend. The author goes into such detail to share so many anecdotes that in a way, it seems that she is telling the reader that, yes, it's real, and it's ok to do some self-reflection and realize that what matters the most, is to ensure your child knows that it is them that matters the most. Not their achievements and accolades, but them as a person. Sounds cliche, but it's so true. Bravo to Jennifer Breheny Wallace for this timely book. We can only hope more people read this book.
  • Wes Beach
    3.0 out of 5 stars Interesting ideas that will probably make little headway
    Reviewed in the United States on September 24, 2023
    In this book Jennifer Breheny Wallace identifies a serious problem and proposes many interesting solutions such as reducing the flouting of high-school students’ successes in gaining college admissions and “prioritiz[ing] community mental health.” But during 62 years of working in education, mostly at the high school level, I’ve seen many “reform” efforts come and go while schools become more limited and rigid in their offerings and expectations while remaining unwilling or unable to support the strengths and interests of students that are not centered primarily on the schools’ narrow academic focus. I’m pessimistic about the future success of any efforts aimed at change.
  • Reading Mom
    4.0 out of 5 stars A better read than listen
    Reviewed in the United States on July 24, 2024
    I have a long daily commute, so I typically listen to books on Audible in the car. Never Enough is compelling and well-researched, but it's difficult to listen to this one because the narrator (the author) is a stilted reader; she often emphasizes the wrong word in a sentence. I found this so jarring that I wound up buying the hardcover edition, too. I recommend Never Enough but suggest the print version over Audible.

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