All the Young Men: A Memoir of Love, AIDS, and Chosen Family in the American South

4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars | 2,196 ratings

Price: 29.66

Last update: 07-22-2024


Top reviews from the United States

Owen A. Borwn
5.0 out of 5 stars Gut wrenchingly powerful, incredibly sad and oddly hopeful. A joy to read.
Reviewed in the United States on December 27, 2020
This is the book that 2020 needed. Ruth tells the story of the poor abandoned souls that she helped to guide through the premature end of life they experienced. I was born in 1983 so the time that was referenced because of age and life experience I was not aware of the AIDs crisis, the toll of it, the expanse of it. This book humanizes the numbers I understand as an adult.
Ruth is a good story teller, in a small town way. I smiled at the explanation of the politics, and personalities, and the quiet drama having grown up in a small town myself. through her stories i saw the men she cared for in their totality. Not shrinking from describing the ravages of HIV and AIDS on the human body, Ruth and her coauthor manages to in almost vignette style they are still complete humans on the page. I cried as i read, even though i knew her story already.
The strength this woman has is awe inspiring, she was able to stand up to the pressures of that small town. The pressures of her church, of her friends to do what was right. To do what is right when it's unpopular is the calling of all humanity, Ruth answered that call with such power, such grace, she is truly a role model of mine, a personal hero. I cannot recommend this book highly enough to any who like me were children during the AIDS crisis, anyone who considers themselves an ally to the LGBT+ population, or someone who loves a story of the best of humanity.
Jill L.
5.0 out of 5 stars Reveals the heartache of the young men and the ugliness & failure of the church and families.
Reviewed in the United States on February 9, 2022
I enjoyed the journey and growth in Ruth as she became a fierce and relentless advocate for the young men who were abandoned by the church, their families, and healthcare providers.
Beyond not knowing what was happening, so many lost compassion and love. The visceral disdain families showed their loved one who was suffering was disturbing. I found Ruth’s love, compassion and respect refreshing and she truly did exactly what Jesus would do. It is a story of hope, courage, and unconditional love. The young men she took care of gave more to humanity than the church folks can ever imagine. May all the young men have eternal peace and feel everlasting love from the chosen family they have never met who read this book and continue to fight their fight in their memory.
J&J
5.0 out of 5 stars A great/ moving read
Reviewed in the United States on February 21, 2023
I enjoyed the writing of this review because I enjoyed this book. It is a moving story about a women who helped many AIDs patients who were rejected by their family because of their sexual orientation. It is a deep, uplifting story but easy to read.
Lori D'Amico
4.0 out of 5 stars Grit and Grace
Reviewed in the United States on January 15, 2024
Ruth Coker Burks is an absolute force for good, a warrior and a force to be reckoned with! I am a strong person and have endured my share of abuse and hardship but I don't know if I'd have had the courage to walk into that very first hospital room like she did. However I know I would have wanted to and regretted it if I hadn't!
I remember the fear, ignorance and downright nasty things people said about the gay community during those years. I remember Magic Johnson speaking out on the news. I remember Ryan White and the horrible murder of Matthew Shepherd. People are so afraid of what they do not know -- as if somehow, who another person sleeps with is a reflection on THEM or even affects them somehow. It doesn't. And though I am a Christian, I don't condone judging others nor do I feel it's okay to condemn another human being. Judgement is something best left to God.
This book is guaranteed, even today to stir up both feelings and controversy! It is my hope, however, that it generates rational and thoughtful discussion based on FACTS not fear and that it shows that we CAN and WILL extend compassion and help our fellow human beings. No one deserves to suffer alone simply because of who they love!
Paisley Princess
5.0 out of 5 stars She Saw To It That Their Souls Were NOT Rot
Reviewed in the United States on July 13, 2023
In 1986 AIDS hysteria was in its fever pitch. Ruth Coker Burks visits her friend in the hospital when she sees what would change her life: a young man, alone, treated by hospital staff as if he has the plague. The man was dying from AIDS, and Ruth took it upon herself to make sure he didn’t die alone. It was at that moment that Ruth became an AIDS activist.

Ruth Coker Burks didn’t have to be an activist. She was a southern woman with southern sensibilities, living in a state where many saw AIDS as God’s punishment. She was raising a child alone, and she had a stable career. But she soon realized that there were many men, often disowned from their families, who were dying alone. If their families, hometowns, or their state wouldn’t give them their human dignity, SHE would.

The more we see of Ruth’s AIDS activism, the more we see how inhumane humans can be. Ruth and her child are shunned by her community, received death threats, and even had a burning cross put on her lawn. Worse, we see how horrific those who were dying/and or died of AIDS were treated. The level of hatred you will read in “All the young men” will bring you to tears. I was brought to tears. Nevertheless, Ruth stayed courageous, becoming family to many who had none.

I remember the AIDS epidemic in the 80s. The hysteria behind it was driven by fear, ignorance, and homophobia. Eventually life-prolonging drugs became available, which meant AIDS wasn’t an automatic death sentence anymore. Even in the south, AIDS awareness resulted in more services available for those with AIDS, which meant Ruth wasn’t needed anymore. Progress isn’t always good, and sometimes it’s just…Progress.

Ruth Coker Burkes never questioned whether what she was doing was right or if it was worth the sacrifice. She didn’t need to, because when you know you’re doing right, there is no sacrifice.
J Byrd
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautifully written true story of love, loss and life.
Reviewed in the United States on February 15, 2021
An amazing story of love, loss and life. Beautifully written, this true story shares a glimpse into the life of Ruth Coker Burks. The book tagline, "A memoir of love, AIDS, and chosen family in the American South" is accurate. But it is so much more. It shows the strength of Ms. Burks, the difference that one person CAN make. It shows her wit and brilliance even on the worst of days. What an amazing book. It is exceptionally well written. By sharing her story, she also memorializes many who would have been forgotten by time.

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