I always enjoy reading these case stories and I certainly enjoyed this one. Its interesting to see which person I can relate to the most and I am always curious to see what the therapist says about the various incidents in the person's life. Because these problems do not come out of the blue you know. They are linked to your childhood and what was going on when you were very young. And if you pay attention and squint a bit, you may just see parts of yourself in these stories - and your parents too. Or maybe even other adults who were big parts of your life as a kid.
First of all I want to say the thing in here about the gorillas was just astounding. Who would have thought?! But it certainly explains a lot. Apparently motherhood - that is the so called instinctive feeling to love a baby & to defend it - is not automatic if the mother herself was not bothered in a caring way... Because what these female gorillas do in here is very revealing. And not only to the newborn baby gorilla but to the male too. Its like they don't even understand the social cues. Maybe because they weren't raised with them. So then any "romantic advances" by the male gorilla is seen as a possible attack. And the baby is then some strange thing that moves...but its not a baby as they have no idea what a baby even is. I think this explains a lot.
But its not only gorillas. Its humans too. And many parents cannot bond with their kids because they themselves had never bonded with their mother. Maybe they raise the kid but its all cold. No love. No feelings of protection. Or safety. Neglect and abuse happens. The child grows up with awful anxiety, fears, brainwashing that teaches them they are never good enough and that they don't deserve anything. Maybe they become workaholics like Madeline. Or they don't know how to have a relationship like Danny. The list of problems can be endless.
And it can include multiple personalities like Alena. Did you know that if you have a high IQ, if you are creative and if you have complex PTSD you are at risk for that? I had no idea.
But what I enjoy about these cases is that the author explains why people do the things they do. Because often people cannot connect the dots. You know, your mother treated you this way as a kid so now you do this...but you don't know why you always do that. The book is full of examples. And like the gorillas the parents themselves are broken too. From their bad unloving childhoods.
Out of these five people, I think I can relate in some ways to Peter the most... Of how he was raised isolated. And then when he started school he was terrified of the other kids. That was me too. Never actually had contact with other kids my age before I started school. But that really messes you up. And as a kid you have no idea these things are abnormal. That is a common theme in here actually. These clients all thought their abnormal childhood was normal.
But I think the story about the gorillas explains as a little kid why I had 0 interest in playing with those dumb baby dolls. I only liked stuffed animals. Or toy cars.
This is definitely worth reading.
Miriam R.
Kathy Tomcik