I won't even read the negative remarks listed, this book was outstanding. It was right on the money in describing the dynamics of a narcissistic mother, and the family's relationship and affects on them. I was speechless. I had to purchase my sister a copy of it. This book was a correct representation of narcissistic mother and daughter relationship. In our family growing up, the world revolved around my mother. Everyone was a tool to please her, which was impossible. Every action done that displeased her was an offense to her, and took, and still takes them all personally. No one could steal the lime-light, or upstage her. Jealousy was the norm, or others were jealous of her. The verbal and physical abuse was always kept in the house. Emotional feelings were not discussed, because they were irrelevant to her, unless they were hers, and she was doing the talking. Everyone wanted what she had, or to be who she was. But inside, I knew she really didn't like herself. Being overweight all her life, she resented that I was petite. Once I told her I loved her, and she told me, "No you don't. I only love you because I gave birth to you, but I don't like you." I was 12 years old when she said that.
I became the over-achiever as did my sister, but we were never satisfied with out accomplishments. I spent 25 1/2 years in the military as an officer, was wounded, but was medically retired honorably. When people used to thank me for my service, I felt at odds. Getting 'thank you's' and accolades for the things I accomplished never sunk in. If you asked me if I had pride in myself, I wouldn't know how to answer that question. My first marriage was a disaster because I married a copy of her, and everything I did (and I would do it to perfection) was never good enough. There was something always wrong with me. I started having flashbacks to my childhood. I was molested for years by my step-grandfather, and raped when I was six. When I told my mother about it at the age of 14 years old, it became all about her, not about what happened to me. I only told her because she was yelling at me about how ignorant I was, and how people would use me because I was so stupid. When I married, she didn't come to my wedding, and forbid my Dad and younger sister from attending too. Her marriage to my Dad was because she was pregnant and still in high school. So she never had her dream wedding. Every attempt at some accomplishment was an attempt on her part to sabotage. Instead of supporting my dream of going into college, she would tell me I would flunk out because I was too stupid, and that I should just go straight in the military. But, I knew I was better than that. I received my college degree, and was commissioned in the Army as an officer. Being older, beatings, being grounded, or smacked across the face couldn't be done any longer, so her use of passive-aggressive behavior kicked up to high gear.
For years, I would hear the voices of negativity always telling me I wasn't good enough, or I was a loser, a bad mother..etc. So I would try harder, do more, and perfect everything. Now I am at peace with myself at the age of 46. I had to separate myself from her to find myself. The power she had over me at one time is no longer there, but she is still the same. I can talk to her now, but I am on guard because I know that anything she does or says, is to benefit herself. I listen to her talk mostly of herself, and my Dad, who left her after all three of their children were out of the house. Because once we were gone, he went from being her co-dependent support, to her target. I have a wonderful relationship with my Dad, just as the book says, and I always had. Yes, I used to ask why he supported her actions, but I knew the answer. There was no need to forgive him because I never blamed him for anything, he was a victim just like the rest of us. I hope others who identify with this book come to find that peace after reading this book, and know it's not their fault, and they are not responsible for anyone but themselves. By the way; sorry this is so long.
Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
4.7 | 6,398 ratings
Price: 12.78
Last update: 12-14-2024
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