The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps

4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars | 1,858 ratings

Price: 12.78

Last update: 02-24-2025


About this item

An invaluable resource for couples in which one of the partners suffers from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), this authoritative book guides troubled marriages toward an understanding of and appreciation for the struggles and triumphs of a relationship affected by it and to look at the disorder in a more positive and less disruptive way. Going beyond traditional marriage counseling, this discussion offers advice from the author's personal experience and years of research and identifies patterns of behavior that can hurt marriages - such as nagging, intimacy problems, sudden anger, and memory issues - through the use of vignettes and descriptions of actual couples and their ADHD struggles and solutions. This resource encourages both spouses to become active partners in improving their relationship and healing the fissures that ADHD can cause.


Top reviews from the United States

  • Matt
    5.0 out of 5 stars Good for Non-ADHD Partner
    Reviewed in the United States on January 25, 2025
    A must read. Very helpful for one who is married or in a relationship with someone with a diagnosis of ADHD. As the non-ADHD partner, this book gives real life examples and things to look for. It completely reframes behaviors, responses, and relationships within the ADHD context. Not only does it explain the thought processes and habits of the person with ADHD, it gives the non-ADHD partner coping and response strategies. They have been helpful. Thank you!
  • A.Mohan
    5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for couples affected by Adult ADHD
    Reviewed in the United States on February 26, 2012
    Melissa's book "ADHD Effect on Marriage" is like a Bible for couples in troubled relationships due to the fascinating brain condition, that is ADHD. The content, style of writing and the tools offered are excellent, professional and most of all practical & actionable. The author is able to display the positive and negative aspects of Adult ADHD when it is not treated appropriately, by acknowledging the difficulties of both spouses equally. Melissa has had the firsthand experience of being in an ADHD relationship and being able to work through it, which puts her high up along with other professionals, and in my book may be even more.
    I see a lot of comparisons to Gina Pera's book "Is it you me or Adult A.D.D.?" in the other reviews, but I don't think there's any need for comparing the two books because even though both talk about ADHD they both have very different approaches. It is important to see what fits for each person. That doesn't make Melissa's book or tools any less important or valid. I am a Mental Health professional in the field of Social Work as well as an individual with a partner who has ADHD. Melissa's experience and knowledge as described in her book not only helped me to a great extent to understand the dynamics of my own relationship, but helped many of my clients as well to whom I have recommended the book. I believe that Melissa speaks the language which is familiar to anyone with ADHD without hurting anyone and also is able to guide couples very well through her detailed descriptions and steps in the book. I highly appreciate her passion, sincerity and dedication to share the knowledge to help others who are in a similar situation, through the journey of recovery and healing from the "ADHD effect" (as she says). Anyone who has lived with a partner with ADHD can easily identify with the dynamics Melissa has described in the book. I like the fact that she talks about `denial' in both spouses and places emphasis on the symptoms and responses that play a major role in ADHD affected relationships. I can see that it could be difficult for some non ADHD spouses to accept their part and it is part of that process of passing through the stage of denial which appears to be the most important phase for both spouses to move forward. I can understand this from my own experience. I would say that it is important for both the spouses to make a conscious choice and decision to remain in the relationship and work through the problems, after understanding the positive and negative factors of ADHD in a relationship. This book will play a major role in facilitating that understanding. It also gives great insight into both realities of ADHD and non ADHD and will help the spouses appreciate the differences which is the main key in the process of repairing the relationship. I haven't found a better resource than this book if one is interested in reversing the patterns that are common in ADHD affected relationships. I would highly recommend this book and give Melissa all the credit for her excellent work in this field. I also wish her all the best and success for her future work, much of which is needed as we have just started to understand Adult ADHD and there's a long way to go.
  • The Box is Here!
    5.0 out of 5 stars Marriage Weekend Workshop & Therapist Certification based on this info sorely needed!
    Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2010
    Update: Oh, how important it is that this material be presented widely! And, learned while young, could likely prevent years of heartbreak & harmful personality adaptation patterns which are hard to break when well established and layered with the challenges of aging.

    My DH has refused to invest in the thousands of dollars over the course of the first year that therapy or coaching for him, therapy for me re: eggshell/walking living, and the all important therapy for the marriage would require. He became (apparently predictably) depressed, when, once medicated, he began to take in his large part in our difficulties. It had been his pattern all through the years to dismiss and blame me, and now I expected real improvement, and it seemed valid, yet overwhelming. His behavior became more passive-aggressive and deteriorated to the point I could no longer live in the same household, for my own sanity, waiting for a "good moment" with him, much less anything requiring compassion and forethought. He doesn't believe in the available help, after so many costly therapy sessions that went nowhere. He's tired & hopeless before he really began. I am going through a difficult divorce now, yet believe it must be for the best.

    Help get this into the hands of young people, and some inexpensive way for average folks to be personally guided, as books and ADHD often don't mix well. Thank you, also, for your teleseminar, Melissa. It was well done. I may retrain to assist in this field, seeing the huge need.

    Melissa has done an excellent job of laying out the ramifications of un or under addressed ADHD's effect on marriage. What is sorely needed now is a weekend workshop for couples and therapist certification in the methods recommended here.

    With 16 years of this marital challenge behind us, divorce was very much on it's way, and yet with this book we both have a new ally, a resurgence of hope. I will go to the next therapist, put this in his or her hands, and say "read this, and handle us this way".

    Something resembling the Gottman's weekends and therapist training is needed to offer a lifeline to the many couples headed for divorce unnecessarily, if they just had help. Interactive settings are often much better in getting through to ADHD folks than books. Having a respected presenter say the same things the non-ADHD partner is trying to express should increase credibility, and open the door to understanding. Books are simply not enough. A non-profit method to provide this help to lower income folks would have a huge impact.

    It may be too late for us. We needed to put to use this type of information and support a very long time ago, and while I have read many current, excellent books on the subject, this one hits home as the best. Hope we can scrape ourselves together for another try.

    Thank you, thank you, Melissa for bringing forth this validating, useful, wise book.
  • M1KEL
    4.0 out of 5 stars Good, But Not Super Applicable to Us
    Reviewed in the United States on November 2, 2020
    Funny thing is a lot of what the author asserts in a typical ADHD relationship is mostly reversed in me and my partner's case. Meaning my ADHD partner is frequently the one doing the "nagging" or being over-reactive and saying very criticizing things things to me while I patiently try to diffuse things; and she is the one that is actually quite responsible (I prefer to do things myself anyhow). But symptoms show when she starts to panic, yell and cry when spilling a cup of water, for example. The worst symptom is certainly the anger and failure to control it. There is a chapter in the book that addresses this thankfully and gives some tips that I will try. It's just unfortunate to read throughout the book that, by default, it's actually the non-ADHD partner acting hostile which means some of the content won't help me.

    But I think the reason why we are the exception is because she suffers from a host of other disorders such as PTSD. But the book still offered some helpful information about the mechanism of ADHD and what my partner might be thinking, as well some helpful tips to diffusing an argument and restoring the relationship.
  • SDWingate
    5.0 out of 5 stars Worth it!
    Reviewed in the United States on December 30, 2024
    This was an eye opening book for my husband and I. I highly recommend it.

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