The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired

4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars | 1,275 ratings

Price: 13.78

Last update: 02-25-2025


About this item

Parenting isn’t easy. Showing up is. Your greatest impact begins right where you are. Now, the best-selling authors of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline explain what this means over the course of childhood.

"There is parenting magic in this book." (Michael Thompson, PhD, co-author of the New York Times best-selling classic Raising Cain)

One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out - in terms of happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships - is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them. In an age of scheduling demands and digital distractions, showing up for your child might sound like a tall order. But as best-selling authors Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson reassuringly explain, it doesn’t take a lot of time, energy, or money. Instead, showing up means offering a quality of presence. And it’s simple to provide once you understand the four building blocks of a child’s healthy development. Every child needs to feel what Siegel and Bryson call the Four S's:

  • Safe: We can’t always insulate a child from injury or avoid doing something that leads to hurt feelings. But when we give a child a sense of safe harbor, she will be able to take the needed risks for growth and change.
  • Seen: Truly seeing a child means we pay attention to his emotions - both positive and negative - and strive to attune to what’s happening in his mind beneath his behavior.
  • Soothed: Soothing isn’t about providing a life of ease; it’s about teaching your child how to cope when life gets hard, and showing him that you’ll be there with him along the way. A soothed child knows that he’ll never have to suffer alone.
  • Secure: When a child knows she can count on you, time and again, to show up - when you reliably provide safety, focus on seeing her, and soothe her in times of need, she will trust in a feeling of secure attachment. And thrive!

Based on the latest brain and attachment research, The Power of Showing Up shares stories, scripts, simple strategies, and tips for honoring the Four S’s effectively in all kinds of situations - when our kids are struggling or when they are enjoying success; when we are consoling, disciplining, or arguing with them; and even when we are apologizing for the times we don’t show up for them. Demonstrating that mistakes and missteps are repairable and that it’s never too late to mend broken trust, this audiobook is a powerful guide to cultivating your child’s healthy emotional landscape.

This audiobook includes a downloadable PDF of the Refrigerator Sheet, a summary of the Four S’s to remember in forming secure attachments.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.


Top reviews from the United States

  • BP
    5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book
    Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2024
    Very clear and relatable, a lot to add to ones parenting and understanding ones parenting and relationship with ones children based on upbringing as a child. Very helpful and a lot to think about. Really opens the door for attachment understanding
  • Reviewer K
    5.0 out of 5 stars Brain, Emotion, and Behavior Connection
    Reviewed in the United States on July 7, 2024
    Based on brain attachment research the book successfully posits that the key to a child’s developmental and functional success is in creating strong attachments by simply showing up.

    Showing up means providing four key but necessary conditions the children in order for their brains to remain calm and attached to the care giver: Safety so the child can feel confident in taking risks. Seen so there’s an understanding of the emotion. Soothing iso the child can cope with your steady support. Security so the child is assured they she can count on you consistently.

    This book is invaluable for any parent or professional who works with trauma informed children. Understanding the connection between the brain, emotions and behaviors will help you to better understand and support the child.
  • Linda Mueller Robertson
    5.0 out of 5 stars If you want to be closer to your adult kids, read this!
    Reviewed in the United States on August 23, 2022
    I've done a great deal of work to understand my own childhood and to recognize the ways in which I unintentionally wounded our kids, but this book has given me so much more insight, awareness, and hope! It is the first book I have read about attachment theory and all the practical ways we can nurture secure attachment in our children OF ANY AGE. Already it has had a significant impact on our relationships with our adult kids as we work to make sure we are truly showing up for them each and every day.
    If you have children and/or grandchildren, if you work with children, or if you just want help in making sense of your own childhood (and how it impacts your life today), read this book!
  • Mag
    5.0 out of 5 stars Like New
    Reviewed in the United States on November 15, 2024
    I really like that it’s clean and free of writing and highlights.
  • K. Coapman
    4.0 out of 5 stars Solid mental model for emotionally supporting your kids
    Reviewed in the United States on December 5, 2023
    The book helps you build a mental model for how to emotionally support your kids that can be applied throughout parenting from infant to adolescence. Appreciated the vignettes and tactical actions paired with the theory of secure attachment.
  • M. Williams
    5.0 out of 5 stars Really important
    Reviewed in the United States on August 23, 2020
    This book was really important for me. I had broken my attachment to my children through not caring for myself and harsh parenting. I didn’t understand what had gone wrong, and it hurt me so deeply. I felt like I was in a cycle of unending disappointment. I learned in this book that my kids were actually showing me their need for me when they got upset and that it was an opportunity to soothe them. I found so much hope because I learned that I could heal my mistakes and my past. I am so grateful to these authors because they gave me the hope and practical tips I needed to remember who I was before the depression set in. It showed me that I also had a chance to heal my children’s future and make a way for my grandchildren to have a better life if my children decide to have them. I’m so grateful. I have learned to show up for myself, to be more self-compassionate and to give myself the safety I need so that I will be able to help my children better.
  • Maria
    5.0 out of 5 stars Every parent should read this book!
    Reviewed in the United States on May 30, 2024
    This book is amazing. It makes you understand how to be a better parent without guilt.
    It is easy to read.
  • book worm
    5.0 out of 5 stars How to Show up for your kids in every way
    Reviewed in the United States on February 17, 2022
    Bought this for my son, but read it from a grandparent’s perspective for my young grandchildren. I liked how the author described what it really means to “be there” for your kids. This includes working hard to focus on what your child is actually saying, asking questions to clarify and being there for emotional support when your child is not acting herself. Learning to be “tuned in” to your child. Liked that “showing up” does not only mean being physically present at home or at sports, but actually engaging with your child regularly. This builds trust through every stage of growth and creates a more meaningful bond for parent and child.

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