Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story

4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars | 618 ratings

Price: 17.72

Last update: 02-25-2025


About this item

The National Best Seller

"Transformative...If Tobia aspires to the ranks of comic memoirists like David Sedaris and Mindy Kaling, Sissy succeeds." (New York Times Book Review)

A heart-wrenching, eye-opening, and giggle-inducing memoir about what it's like to grow up not sure if you're (a) a boy, (b) a girl, (c) something in between, or (d) all of the above.

"A beautiful book...honest and funny." (Trevor Noah, The Daily Show)

"Sensational." (Tyler Oakley)

"Jacob Tobia is a force." (Good Morning America)

"A trans Nora Ephron...both honest and didactic." (OUT Magazine)

"A rallying cry for anyone who's ever felt like they don't belong." (Woman's Day)

As a young child in North Carolina, Jacob Tobia wasn't the wrong gender, they just had too much of the stuff. Barbies? Yes. Playing with bugs? Absolutely. Getting muddy? Please. Princess dresses? You betcha. Jacob wanted it all, but because they were "a boy", they were told they could only have the masculine half. Acting feminine labelled them "a sissy" and brought social isolation.

It took Jacob years to discover that being "a sissy" isn't something to be ashamed of. It's a source of pride. Following Jacob through bullying and beauty contests, from Duke University to the United Nations to the podiums of the Methodist church - not to mention the parlors of the White House - this unforgettable memoir contains multitudes. A deeply personal story of trauma and healing, a powerful reflection on gender and self-acceptance, and a hilarious guidebook for wearing tacky clip-on earrings in today's world, Sissy guarantees you'll never think about gender - both other people's and your own - the same way again.


Top reviews from the United States

  • Falsetto Prophet
    5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read For All Men, Women, and the 99.9999% of us in between
    Reviewed in the United States on March 30, 2019
    This is an enchanting, humorous, good-natured, and utterly captivating coming of age story with delicious surprises at every turn. While it certainly expands the trans canon and is a good companion read to Laura Jane Grace's "Tranny...", the true message here is for every human being on earth to just BE -- and free themselves from the strict societal pressures to conform to gender norms. For some men, folding in a trace of femininity might mean nothing more than being able to show emotions without being called the P-word or some other weaponized word to denote femininity equals weakness. For others, they might enjoy exploring their feminine sides in public with a dash or makeup or a dollop of color. When I came out as gender non binary long before there was a term for it besides cross dresser, transsexual, or pervert, almost ALL of the married women I talked to (conservative and liberals) admitted to me their manly husbands experiment with lingerie in the bedroom and femme (mocking, because as Jacob says, its safer) Halloween costumes. When Jacob appeared on The Daily Show I was brought to happy tears in an instant. Finally a media figure who just IS happy in their own skin and not transitioning from one gender absolute to another. Their interview, and this book, really helped me find happiness exactly where I am right now -- living authentically without hormones or surgery. Our sexual orientations are different. Jacob digs guys. I dig girls. And still (because they are totally separate identity markers) we share so many milestones on our respective gender quests. Sissy is a life saving, life affirming, life changing, totally entertaining read. As for the prose itself, Jacob is a gifted writer -- humorous asides and sharp wit at every turn, each paragraph a fully realized work of art -- and yet the whole story stays on a fast track and never derails. Such a thrilling read -- happy tears indeed. "Whiny"? as one other reviewer so eloquently declared -- heck no. "Witty" for sure. Perhaps that other review was an auto correct error.
  • Grace Rudd
    5.0 out of 5 stars Don't Understand Gender? Read This!
    Reviewed in the United States on October 19, 2022
    Wow. What a powerful story! And another example that children are pure and if we would listen to them instead of brush them aside, you would learn a lot!! When they spoke about their childhood, I felt SO seen and heard. I cried at parts that weren't particularly cry-inducing. And I could not put this book down!
    If you don't understand the "whole gender thing", then I highly recommend you read this book. There is swearing, there are triggers, and it can get real. But read the introduction, and you'll know exactly what to expect. They do a very good job at that.
    A lot of people don't like this topic. It's become political. When really it's personal. It's all personal. And if it's not you, is it even your business? Sorry not sorry, but if you're not affected then you shouldn't pass judgement or condemnation. Period. Especially if you call yourself a Christian.

    One last disclaimer that may help you on your journey, if you don't understand this "stuff". Sex and gender are not the same. Sit with that. Pray to who you pray to, and BUY. THIS. BOOK.
    10/10 recommend
  • Thomas J. Grogan
    4.0 out of 5 stars interesting and amusing
    Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2021
    The first book I’ve ever read about a gender non conforming person. The writer is witty. Some of this stuff I’ve seen before but still worth the read.
  • Ms. Kirsty L. Collins
    5.0 out of 5 stars A great story of resilience and self discovery
    Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2025
    I bought this book after my youngest teenager came out as transgender last year. I want to understand the various experiences of being transgender, non-binary, and gender-diverse.

    I appreciate how Tobia is driven and persistent and how they articulate their feelings and experiences of gender non-conforming. One of my main concerns for my child is that they may not 'pass' as either female or male. However, I now realise that all of us can find joy with people from all parts of the gender spectrum. And to celebrate trans love.

    I do not want my child to be stigmatised or subjected to discrimination and persecution.
    My focus now is on making the world safer for all transgender, non-binary, and gender-diverse individuals because everyone deserves our respect and support. I thank Heaven that I live in Australia, where being diverse isn’t a crime, but I realise fascism can happen anywhere.
  • siv1131
    5.0 out of 5 stars Best book I've read in years
    Reviewed in the United States on July 9, 2019
    Jacob's book is an absolutely masterpiece, and I cannot recommend it enough. Their story is so moving and told in a way that is both touching and humorous. It's so easy to sit down and completely devour this in one sitting because it's such a well-written, heartfelt journey. Genderqueer and gender nonconforming stories don't seem to get much air in the literature world and to have their book reach so many people is vitally important. Absolutely everyone, regardless of sexuality or gender, will find something in this you can relate to. I would love to see this become required reading for high school students, not just to show life through a different lens but to teach acceptance and empathy.
  • JH
    3.0 out of 5 stars You'll either love or hate Jacob
    Reviewed in the United States on January 12, 2024
    I read this book because it came highly recommended by a fellow non-binary colleague. I finished the book because I really wanted to see what my colleague saw in the narrative. Alas, I only grew to dislike Jacob the more I read. Jacob comes across as extremely self-absorbed and manipulative. However, Jacob also makes some very astute, albeit long-winded, insights about society. There are good parts and bad parts to the narrative.

    What bugged me the most though is that Jacob comes from a relatively privileged background but frames the story as though every indignity they faced was monumentally awful. A lot of that framing can be excused as their larger than life personality but as someone who has survived objectively worse stuff, it feels like salt being rubbed in a wound. I hope that doesn't come off as trivializing anything Jacob has gone through but instead an explanation for why I, another nonbinary person, could only sometimes connect with this narrative.

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