If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?: My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating

4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars | 1,391 ratings

Price: 11.81

Last update: 09-05-2024


About this item

From iconic actor and best-selling author Alan Alda, an indispensable guide to communicating better - based on his experience with acting, improv, science, and storytelling.

The beloved actor shares fascinating and powerful lessons from the science of communication and teaches listeners to improve the way they relate to others using improv games, storytelling, and their own innate mind-reading abilities. With his trademark humor and frankness, Alan Alda explains what makes the out-of-the-box techniques he developed after his years as the host of Scientific American Frontiers so effective. This book reveals what it means to be a true communicator and how we can communicate better in every aspect of our lives - with our friends, lovers, and families; with our doctors; in business settings; and beyond.


Top reviews from the United States

Rhonda Rogers
5.0 out of 5 stars A Rare Way to Communicate
Reviewed in the United States on February 29, 2020
I'm writing this review on February 29th, Rare Disease Day. As part of my celebration, as a person with a rare disease (Myositis), I read this book because I can so relate to the title. After being misdiagnosed for 12 years (and yes, I had a stunned look the first time), I looked even more shocked/bewildered I'm sure, when it turns out I had something entirely different. Similar, yet very different.

Since my first diagnosis, I made it my mission to attend the University of Google, and learn everything about polymyositis. In fact, I had a doctorate that disease. But after finding out I had inclusion body myositis (IBM, same disease Peter Frampton has), I got a second doctorate in that.

I talk to a lot of people about my disease--and a lot of people talk to me about it. Many people speak my language--but I read papers, and sit in seminars and lectures where sometimes, the medical types and researchers wander off in to folded proteins, and T-cells, and KLRK1 antibodies, and well, I'm lost.

And god forbid I try to tell any other type of doctor about myositis! They are a doctor, they know everything about me, even though I just met them three minutes ago (as happened in an EXTREMELY unfortunate ER encounter), and they had to google Myositis. They decided my chief complaint was something they could fix, even though I knew my incurable, untreatable medical condition did not have the label they had assigned to me. No one listened to me, with my doctorate of 17 years living with the disease. What did I know, there was no MD after my name.

To get back to Alda's book, wow, is this needed in the scientific and medical community. It is difficult to explain and communicate a lot of very complex information. Challenging. Hard. I wish many more in the vital area of research and the medical field would take some type of training, or embrace the concepts outlined in the book. I so enjoyed the stories that accompanied the examples. They just hit the mark in terms of true, often poignant and humorous ways, that we all think we speak the same language--but we don't.

Read this book, for knowledge, for use, for entertainment. Maybe next time you have a heart to heart with your doctor, he or she won't sound like Charlie Brown's teacher--wah wah, wah-wah's, wah wah...and if they do, have the courage to stop them. Communication does go both ways.
Dr. T
5.0 out of 5 stars A fantastic read and voyage through the ocean of communication
Reviewed in the United States on March 24, 2024
This was a wonderful book full of meaningful stories and examples about successful communication. I learned a lot and plan to utilize these skills as I communicate with friends and strangers. Thank you, Alan.
Lee Rush
4.0 out of 5 stars Thoughtful and humorous. Just like the author.
Reviewed in the United States on January 28, 2020
Alda has a way of coming into our lives and leaving a mark. And this book is no exception. Filled with autobiographical ruminations, he teaches us about science and ourselves in a way that no other author can replicate. He makes us ponder our interactions, and consider better and stronger ways to connect and communicate with our coworkers, our friends, and our loved ones.

He, and this book, are a treasure and a delight.
Tom Frasure
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth a read as all of us should work on communication
Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2019
I’ve always been a fan of Alan Alda (circa: M*A*S*H), and also his narrating and interviewing in various documentaries. He has a wonderful speaking voice and is the consummate professional actor. I was curious about this book and have enjoyed reading his studies and reseRch in human behavior and why so many of us are inept at getting our point across. I occasionally got bored with some of the research and would switch to another book such as a novel but I kept this book by my bedside and finished it fairly quickly - especially on days when I would be out and run into people who just plain never learned how to communicate and what should be communicated vs. what needs to be left unsaid (aka: social media users). I would come back to this book and try to underscore certain concepts that we all should really be taught in school. I grew up with a father who was an excellent hardware salesman and he had a knack for what to say, when to say it, and his to say it. Dad was a big “Dale Carnegie, “How to Wkn Friends and Influence People,” fan, and it truly worked for him as people loved my dad. He put Dale Carnegie’s lessons in front of all three of his kids. I’ve often wondered why public schools don’t include these time-honored concepts in as graduation requirements. Not all kids are cut out for STEM (Science, Technology, Engjneering & Math) but EVERYONE will have to deal with people for the rest of their lives. Alan Alda has captured many of these points in this book with his graceful and often humorous prose.
H. Dale
3.0 out of 5 stars It's not horrible, but not worth adding to my library
Reviewed in the United States on July 29, 2018
It was "eh". There were parts I loved, but a TON of repetition and quite a bit of rambling about personal feelings. I was determined to make it to the end (and I did), but I was on (audible) 2+ by the end of the book because I was getting bored. It's not that long a book... It's not a book I would ever read again, I did regret buying it instead of checking it out from the library.

If you like Alan Alda, it will probably be a fun read for you. The one good thing I got out of it was the use of improv to improve communication and reception skills so it's not 100% without merit.
Heather
5.0 out of 5 stars Engaging, Inspiring and Accessible
Reviewed in the United States on July 22, 2023
As a scientist, former college professor, former corporate leader turned leadership coach for introverts, and student of improv, this is a wonderful book. I devoured Alda's first two memoirs and thoroughly enjoy his stories. If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face is engaging, inspiring and accessible. I understand how easy it is to slip into jargon with your colleagues and how destructive that can be when the audience isn't indoctrinated in your field of study. Alda shares wonderful examples of early "experiments" to see how improv impacts students, scientists, and doctors which make you want EVERYONE to have this training.
Christina Hagestad
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful book about communication, good for teachers
Reviewed in the United States on March 20, 2024
This was a LIFE CHANGING book as a teacher on communication, relationships and has great ideas for the classroom.

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