Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir
4.5 | 60,275 ratings
Price: 17.71
Last update: 01-25-2026
Top reviews from the United States
- Holly ERaw and brutal honesty delivered with wit and eloquenceMatthew Perry does a great job of painting a picture for the reader of his struggles with pain, fear, and addiction. He lets us into his life with an honesty that helps better understand the big terrible thing that is the disease of addiction. Matthew takes us through his ups and downs, showing gratitude for all of the people in his life who were there for him, for sobriety, for life itself, and to God. He talks of his experiences with health struggles, near death, and God’s guidance. It’s a beautiful writing, even though much of the subject matter is difficult. And it reads just like he talks. You can hear him/Chandler coming through the wit in his words. It’s no wonder he was a favorite, beloved Friend. Matthew Perry is Chandler. Chandler is Matthew Perry. He created the character, and they really are one in the same. You also feel his pain and sorrow, and also, his relief and gratitude. The part Chandler didn’t show us.
I also, personally, identified with him in his health struggles. My road was a much less difficult one, but I also struggle with depression and anxiety (I’ve made bad decisions and done things I regret), and I have had physical health issues (due to a chronic disease). I was shocked to read how similar some of his experiences were (from the emergency trip to the ED, coma, months long stay in icu, a vent, ECMO…dealing with lung and breathing issues) to my own. I was in the hospital at the same time he was, during my which I had many surgeries and procedures, including a double lung transplant. While they were not the same journey, I could definitely understand a lot of what he went through, and it was somehow comforting to read how he felt in those moments. I cried at many points while reading. In fact, by the second chapter I’d already highlighted and she’d tears unexpectedly several times.
It was encouraging to read about his journey, and where he is now. It was enlightening to read about and better understand the addiction disease. I am glad he shared with us. I wish him the best and continued success. - JacqueHard to read, but makes you understand Matty through the tearsI put off reading this book because I loved Friends so much and felt so close to the cast through all of the seasons. Matthew Perry was a very complicated man to say the least. So intelligent. So funny. So caring. His life should be defined by so much more than the evil addiction that took hold of him for most of his life. Incredibly sad read, but makes you feel like you really know what “Matty” went through. Probably worth reading again.
- Heather HegefeldHard to Follow Sometimes, But…I will start with dislikes first. It is hard to follow sometimes. The structure is a little weird, the timeline bounces around, and there are so many detoxes and rehabs that it’s difficult to keep them straight. I also found myself starting to roll my eyes at an insanely rich, and famous guy who has money, upon money to burn, and throw at pills, and fancy rehabs. I think it’s easy to assume that if he didn’t have all his money he wouldn’t have been able to maintain his addiction, and would no longer be with us.
However (comma) this brings me to the likes bit of this review, or more accurately the intermission. I always notice that when a famous person struggles with addiction and/or commits suicide because they are depressed, there’s always someone who says, money doesn’t bring happiness. Like it’s an opportunity to teach that lesson, and/or puts the message out there that happiness making money was what this person was after, completely missing the fact that depression and addiction are diseases. Unfortunately, people commit suicide everyday because of depression, or go to their first AA meeting, it just the famous we hear about. Now back to the review.
Matthew Perry admits in his book that in his youth he wanted fame, hoping it would fill holes in his life, or holes he perceived in his life. His upbringing was nice yes, he was loved yes, however, it was the feeling of abandonment that he struggled so much with. His father leaving, his mother working so much, his parents remarrying and having families that he didn’t feel completely apart of all laid the foundation for how he viewed himself. Which is why he struggled with commitment, that led to him leaving relationships before he got left which is what he assumed would happen every time. I like that he tells his story with the perspective that he had at the time. Does it always sound good? No. Does it always make Matthew Perry seem like a great person? No. But most of time it was the fear talking, the immaturity talking, and he grows, eventually, as you read the story. He ends the book in a better place looking forward to the future. I highlighted a line toward the end that is a lesson we all can, and need to learn, addiction or not, “I am me. And that should be enough, it always has been enough. I was the one who didn’t get that. And now I do.”
This book is a raw, no holding back, this is how it was warts and all, account of the Matthew Perry story told by Matthew Perry. It’s full of facts but also opinions, and perspectives that should not be taken as fact. Not everyone will like this book, and that’s true with anything. Not everyone will “see” the story Matthew Perry was trying to tell, and that also happens with other things as well.
In short, I enjoyed this book. I appreciated Matthew Perry’s honesty, and his love for Chandler Bing, who will always be my favorite. - Palm Beach StyleSo much honesty yet humorous through and throughI liked this book because it was a quick, easy read. The chapters were written as the late Matthew Perry sounded in cadence. I appreciated that it had an entire glimpse and first-hand perspective as to who he was and what he was dealing with as far as the layers of his addictions. Perry was raw about it. He told truths about abandonment and addiction that showed a direct correlation in his life. He shares quotes and thoughts that will leave you feeling validated and seen but also with compassion and an understanding of addiction as the disease it is today and what it was to him. Mr Perry captured what it was like to seek drugs, alcohol, or all of it, and to relapse multiple times. He shared what it was like to hide the addiction and to lose love over it as well. This book is quippy and honest, with a touch of reality and grit. It's inspiring and beautiful work that should be shared with those struggling or that have overcome addiction, or abandonment. It's splendidly written, and it is a shame we lost him. This book is a beautiful reminder of the late Matthew Perry's truths.